​Read the (prettier) web version here.​

Only 7% of Americans take their new year’s resolutions all the way to December.¹

And that figure is from a survey, which means it’s probably generous (because most people will stretch the truth if they think it makes them look better).

New year’s resolutions fail because they’re about forcing yourself to do something you don’t really want to do. But what if you could come around to actually wanting things that are good for yourself and others?

It’s not as hard as you might think. Some will tell you it’s hard, but they don’t know what I know; they’ve not seen what I’ve seen in the work I’ve done with desperate people who’ve turned their lives around in a matter of months (and not slipped back into old bad habits).

Many of the wisest people who ever lived claimed that if you want to live a happy, healthy, abundant life then you must go through years of strict efforting. You can go about it that way, but there’s a quicker, simpler, easier alternative—and I’m going to show you how to make it work for you in this post.

But first, why the f¥ck do people keep trying new year’s resolutions when they know they don’t work?
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Why Do People Bother With New Year’s Resolutions When They Know They Don’t Work?

To state the obvious, everyone wants to live a good life. For most people, that means health, wealth, and good relationships. And most people assume that once they have those things in some large measure they’ll be happy.

But we’ve seen millions of people who are fit, rich and in a great social circle who are, nonetheless, dissatisfied at a deeper level. They acted on society’s big promise: work hard, work out, fit in, and you’ll be happy. But they were left hanging.

Prior to the millennial generation, blindly following society’s recommendations tended to climax in a “midlife crisis”. In midlife crisis an individual, aged 40-60, would take stock of their situation and realize they’d done everything they were told but, somehow, still felt something was missing. So they bought a sports car they couldn’t afford or had an affair, thinking that would be the answer.

Tragically, for us millennials, that kind of crisis typically came as early as our mid-20s. But we couldn’t afford a sports car and we didn’t have a spouse to cheat on. Gen Z is experiencing the crisis as early as their late teens—or simply not buying into cultural prescriptions at all. Which might sound great until we remember that they have no alternative (unless they’re reading this post, that is).

If you’re reading this post, you’ve been subject to 6 significant economic crises in your lifetime. The “dot-com bubble” burst in the early 2000s when investors’ expectations were checked by reality. The “housing bubble” burst in 2008 when the consequences of loose lending practices were realized. Now, we’re witnessing the bursting of what economists have called the “everything bubble”:

• People can’t afford homes
• People can’t afford groceries
• People can’t afford healthcare
• People can’t afford to socialize

Governments were able to convince people that an average life was a good life while economies were strong. But they’re not anymore. And so, in the absence of a predetermined answer, the most important question anyone will ever ask in their life is being asked sooner and sooner:

What will really make me happy?

In a way, our failing economies have done us a profound favour. Because the longer everyone believed a steady salary and a mortgage would bring them genuine satisfaction, the longer they were delaying that important question.

Here’s the key point: typical assumptions about how happiness works are entirely wrong. Now, you’d think we’d have wanted to straighten those assumptions out sooner, right? I mean, everyone basically wants two things:

1. To be satisfied
2. To not be dissatisfied

Those two desires exist at the root of all other desires. They explain all human behaviour. Mother Teresa fed the poor because she addressed others’ dissatisfaction as her own (compassion). Adolf Hitler murdered millions of people because he thought it would bring him satisfaction (obviously, he was wrong).

But there’s one hero in our history who already did a lot to straighten out those assumptions. His teaching has the power to cut through that inner conflict everyone experiences when trying—and failing—to stick to their new year’s resolutions.

The Man Who Conquered Dissatisfaction

The Buddha is on record as stating he taught just one thing.

That thing, he said, was dukkha/dukkha-nirodha.

Dukkha is the Pali word that most people translate as “suffering”. But this translation is both problematic and inaccurate. It’s problematic because the word “suffering” is too close to the word “pain”. So this translation gives people the impression that spirituality is about getting free of pain, which is impossible: when the Buddha stubbed his toe, it would’ve hurt just like it does for the rest of us. The real difference between the Buddha and an ordinary person is that the Buddha would not have been dissatisfied about that pain.

In the moment that you stub your toe, you have no choice whether you experience physical pain. But you always have a choice about whether or not you are dissatisfied about it. And this choice, the Buddha said, was all he ever taught.

Now, that statement may seem at odds with the fact that the Buddha gave thousands of teachings. But if you’ve ever taught something yourself—or gone deeply into any subject as a student—you’ll know that there are many, many ways to express one lesson. And that’s a good thing because the profound simplicity of the deepest spiritual teachings is unpalatable for most people. Most people think they need to satisfy their thinking mind before they can relax. So the Buddha, like all wise teachers, made concessions: he spoke to people in terms they would understand from their various perspectives. (In psychiatry, this is called pacing and leading.)

So the Buddha elaborated on his teaching of dukkha/dukkha-nirodha. (Nirodha, by the way, means “cessation”.) And his first and most famous elaboration was The Four Noble Truths, which I will summarize in plain language.

The Buddha’s Four Noble Truths

Noble Truth #1: Sh!t Happens

The world is a chaotic mess of favourable and unfavourable circumstances. It’s impossible to avoid all the unfavourable ones, and in an ordinary perspective you will experience these as dissatisfying. For example:

• “These tomatoes are so expensive; f¥ck capitalism.”
• “My boss is such a d!ck to me; I hate being trapped in this job.”
• “Why can’t my wife just remember to turn the f¥cking lights off? She’s a grown-up, isn’t she?”

Noble Truth #2: It’s All In Your Head

Another person just came along behind you and looked at those same tomatoes.

“Oh goodie!” they thought, “I haven’t had tomatoes in months!”

What I’m demonstrating is that the tomatoes themselves have no power to make anyone dissatisfied. If they did, everyone who looked at them would be dissatisfied. Instead, dissatisfaction is born of interpretation.*It’s an individual’s particular thoughts and feelings *relating to the tomatoes that create dissatisfaction.

Now, if you’re determined to maintain a victim position, this will all sound like bad news to you. The idea that you, yourself, are responsible for your sh!tty feelings is too challenging. And this is the primary reason that people bounce off the Buddha’s teaching. But for those who are ready, the Buddha had more…

Noble Truth #3: Dissatisfaction Is Optional

Thoughts and feelings are not solid. They can be “cut through” in an instant. If you’ve ever been in a bad mood but then something hilarious has happened to make you laugh, you’ve experienced this for yourself. What the Buddha taught was that you don’t have to wait for something hilarious to happen. Rather, you can train to cut through dissatisfaction on your own terms. Which leads us to…

Noble Truth #4: How to Stop Being Dissatisfied

This Noble Truth is actually another famous teaching in itself: The Eightfold Noble Path.

The Buddha laid out 8 “path factors” which, when followed, lead to the ending of dissatisfaction. Bear in mind that these factors are interdependent. They’re not to be approached in sequence but, rather, all together in no particular order.

1. Right View (seeing things as they really are)
2. Right Intention (dedicating oneself to mutual benefit)
3. Right Speech (not being a d!ck)
4. Right Action (not being an ^sshole)
5. Right Livelihood (making positive impact through your work)
6. Right Effort (maintaining enthusiastic persistence)
7. Right Mindfulness (remaining aware, present, calm in all circumstances)
8. Right Concentration (cultivating stable focus)

Of course, there’s a lot more to all 8 of these factors. Buddhists both inside and outside the monastery train in these for decades. Some even believe they must train across countless incarnations. This training is beneficial. but is it necessary?

I had the immeasurable benefit of hundreds of hours of one-to-one study with a teacher who lived as a monk for 8 years. One of the most powerful lessons he ever gave me was this:

The words “if you know how” are very important here. This “knowing how” was the primary aim of my long study with that teacher. It took not only those hundreds of hours of conversation, but tens of thousands of hours of my own self-led study and practice. In the end, I was indeed able to throw away the box. The box represents the rites, rules, rituals and superstitions of organized religion—including the notion that one must practice long and hard to realize the truth that is already present. This notion never made sense to me intellectually, but the experiential aspect of settling into what is naturally occurring—letting go of habitual patterns of thinking and feeling that obscured my true nature—seemed difficult (as it does for everyone).

Had I attempted to realize all that on my own, I doubt it could ever have happened. The opportunity to learn directly from someone who was living in abundant joy, peace and clarity was pivotal.

But there’s a plot twist in this story. The more my understanding developed, the more sensitive I became to lingering notions of contrived efforting and development in my teacher’s instructions. Something felt “off”, though I couldn’t yet determine what it was.

I’d always remained open to other presentations of wisdom, and it was around this time that I discovered one which turned out to be even more important. I discovered the teaching of nonduality. And it’s this teaching that has the power to clear up your inner conflict not in decades but in mere months—if you’re ready for it.

The Teaching That Supercedes All Others

Before I finished my study with my monk teacher, I became drawn to teachings that spoke confidently against the notion that any efforting or development was necessary. This sounded too good to be true, but the more I heard it, the more I became aware of a subtle tension I was creating in my existing practice.

The version of the Eightfold Noble Path I was practising was elegantly modernized and stripped down. We had indeed thrown away that “ornate box” from the teaching above, but a certain contrived deliberateness remained.

One of the central recommendations I was practising was that of gladdening the mind. This comes from the Buddha’s own meditation instructions. In practice, this is the deliberate replacing of “unwholesome” thoughts with “wholesome” thoughts. For example:

• “These tomatoes are so expensive; f¥ck capitalism” is replaced with “how wonderful: food is brought to my local convenience store so that I don’t have to go foraging myself!”
• “My boss is such a d!ck to me; I hate being trapped in this job” becomes “how fortunate: I’m employed so I can afford to pay rent!”
• “Why can’t my wife just remember to turn the f¥cking lights off?” becomes “how convenient: flicking a light switch is so much easier than blowing out candles!”

This is a greatly beneficial practice. It did wonders for me. But it does involve a subtle tension. Let’s break down the mental process that occurs during this practice:

1. A thought arises
2. It’s judged to be unwholesome
3. Effort is made to change the thought into something preferable

What I was detecting in my experience was a subtle resistance to what was; a wish to change things from what I deemed “worse” to “better”.

I repeat: the practice of gladdening the mind is not “bad”. But these other teachings I was encountering offered a different perspective.

What If All You Must Do to Be Satisfied Is Nothing?

The basic nondual teaching, which has shown up in many cultures and at many times throughout human history, states the following:

Nothing need be done to realize your true nature, which is intrinsically pure. All phenomena, be they physical objects, the body, thoughts, feelings, memories or sense data, appear within that pure aware space—inseparable from it and perfect, just as they are. Any attempt to fix, control or adjust these phenomena is, itself, just another phenomena which, like the others, resolves naturally—without anything needing to be done.

Systems of developmental practice are given as concessions to those who experience resistance to the simple instruction to do nothing. But for one who simply rests naturally—without seeking or describing anything—all phenomena are experienced as inseparable from nondual basic space. Interpretations, biases and judgments are dissolved. Thus, resistance to “what is” is impossible. And thus, dissatisfaction is impossible. And, thus, no other practice is necessary.

The challenge, of course, is that we’re so conditioned to favour doing over non-doing that “doing nothing” can seem like the ultimate challenge. But in objective terms, nothing could be easier.

The master of pottery moulds his work with relaxed hands. The master of life moulds his circumstances with relaxed mind.

When I first heard the nondual teaching, I knew I had to investigate it for myself. If it turned out to be too good to be true, I could always go back to my previous practice and apply fresh effort. But I’m pleased to report to you that the nondual teaching turned out to be absolutely true.

That said, it’s impossible to separate the deliberate practice I’d done with my monk teacher from my eventual recognition of nondual truth. Many wise teachers state that some amount of relativistic development must be done before one is ready to hear the teaching on nonduality—but that this depends upon the readiness of the student. And I have a theory regarding this.

I’ve spoken with thousands of people from all walks of life; people of all ages and cultures. The wisdom I observe among them is greatly encouraging—even in those who have made no specific inquiry into spiritual teachings. My theory is that due to:

1. Our level of education
2. Our collective understanding of psychology
3. Our unprecedented access to wisdom of all kinds

…The typical 21st-century truth-seeker is less in need of preliminary teachings and practices, and more ripe than ever for direct insight.

Compare the modern seeker to the typical working class person who was approaching the Buddha’s teaching in the Buddha’s time and I submit that teachers like myself can be more and more bold in presenting the nondual teaching as the starting point, then prescribing relativistic practices as necessary. This is what I’ve been trialling with students from all walks of life over the past 3 years and the results have been amazing.

People—at least the thousands I’ve encountered—are, in fact, ready to hear the nondual teaching. And this is just as well, because life moves so fast these days that people are less and less inclined to commit to decades-long systems of gradual development. Ultimately, that gradual development is simply unnecessary in many cases. It’s beneficial, wholesome, and the best investment of time for one who bounces off the nondual teaching… But, ultimately, unnecessary.

Teachers who demonstrate nondual realization owe it to their students to test what they are ready to hear. Enrolling them in a system of slow, gradual development—in many cases—is a tremendous waste.

When I sit with a student and soak them in the nondual teaching over a number of months, they get it pretty quickly. They may enjoy meditation or journaling or therapy alongside—nothing is excluded. But in the context of seeing their true nature as the basic space in which all phenomena come and go, those other pursuits fall away remarkably quickly. What remains is uncontrived equanimity, gratitude, peace, joy, effectiveness, and unshakeable wellbeing.

In other words, human beings are inherently good, and all we must do to realize this is relax.

If you feel you can’t relax—if you feel that instruction is too simple—then there may be a path of developmental practice ahead of you. Maybe it takes months, maybe years, but I can guarantee you one thing: once you’re properly introduced to the nondual teaching, it won’t take as long as it otherwise would have. (Note: reading about it likely isn’t enough. Look out for one of my public teachings on X or, if you’re super keen, click here.)

So What The F¥ck Does This Have to Do With New Year’s Resolutions?

Well, doesn’t the whole notion of a new year’s resolution seem naïve to you now that you’ve read this post?

Who is the “you” who tries to force yourself to go to the gym?

Who is the “you” who resists?

Who is the “you” who is trying to figure out which of those “yous” is the one to follow?

All that’s occurring in this kind of inner conflict is various cocktails of sensation, thought and feeling coming and going, coming and going, within the basic space of awareness. So just let it all go.

Maybe, when you let go, you’ll end up laid out on the sofa eating McDonald’s for a week—like my student Adam did. This occurred after I encouraged him to stop bullying himself into activity. But guess what? It was indeed only a week before a genuine desire to work out showed up. Adam gave himself permission to rest. (And boy, did he need it after 3 decades of beating himself over the head with various self-created obligations.) I didn’t know if he’d go back to the gym or not, but I knew he’d be better off living authentically than based on what he thought he should do. And the same is true for you.

Be brave. Trust that your true nature is one of benefit. And if you can’t do that, just run an experiment: what do you end up doing when you stop forcing yourself to do anything in particular?

When I first ran this experiment after hearing the nondual teaching I feared that I’d end up sitting at the bar drinking till I ran out of money. What actually happened was a chain of events that led me here, to this desk, writing to you, realizing my greatest purpose, married to the woman of my dreams and earning better money than I ever thought possible.

If you feel you could use some guidance through this experiment, click here to talk to me. We’ll discuss where you are right now and then where you’d like to be to determine whether you actually need my help. Then, if you do, we’ll explore what your ideal support system might look like. If we end up working together, I promise: inner conflict around things like new year’s resolutions will be impossible for you by the time we’re done.

With love from my desk,
dg💙

¹https://www.forbes.com/health/mind/new-year-resolutions-survey-2024/